Defiance
by Lauren Nachtyr
Summary: Alucard reflects on an ancient memory, one that unwittingly puts his existence into perspective.


Thin wisps of ethereal fog hovered above the tiled floor of a dark, desolate room. In the back of this space stood a tall wooden throne, next to it was a wine cart laden with a bottle of wine and a glass.

A low growl escaped between clenched fangs as Alucard sat upon his chair, looking over a filled glass in hand. The liquid within bore a deep crimson hue, which was thicker than any wine made with grapes.

But this was no ordinary drink. It was blood; thick, cold, human blood.

Another growl escaped the vampire's lips as he turned to his right, one eye fixed upon the wine bottle. The label read, 'Hellsing's Finest, Imported, 1944', the urge to laugh welled within Alucard, but he decided against the action, instead scoffing.

Long gloved fingers moved to pluck the green-tinted bottle off the cart, gazing at the label. _What a name... As if this was a wine at all... A fake label for fake swill_. With a small flick of the wrist he tossed the bottle across the room, the sound of glass shattering could be heard as it made contact with the wall.

A sigh escaped him as he relaxed against his throne, looking down at the glass that was firm in his grasp. That scarlet liquid... it taunted him. It was the bane of his existence, but also the reason for his immortality.

"Immortality..." he breathed, releasing a solemn chuckle. He returned the glass to the cart, resting his head on the back of his chair. "There is no such thing...there is only solitude..."

_Solitude..._he laughed again; no, there was no solitude in the present. For now, he had a child, a fledgling, someone to share the lonely nights. He had Seras.

A low cackle began to pour from him, beginning a crescendo. "Yes, Police Girl. You're best suited to be by my side."

It was back on that night in Cheddar, England, that he had met her...

Having already received orders from Sir Integra, Alucard had ventured towards his target's presence. He pasted tree after tree along a dirt path, coming up to a cleared valley overlooking the berserk priest and a group of ghouls.

But no, that wasn't all he had come across. There was one soul among the dead: a human female. Alucard stood back, masked by the forest around him as he looked on for events to unfold, curious to see what would happen. It was simple to deduce that the priest was the host vampire, controlling a lot of 20 or so ghouls. But the human...why was she here?

'Your bullets won't stop me,' laughed the priest. He had the women by the arms, held tightly behind her back.

_Oh!_ Alucard thought to himself. There was a new development in the plot; this woman was a police officer, he noted from her attire. Despite this fact, he was certain she was about to die, have her blood drained and be transformed into a ghoul just like the others.

But something changed as Alucard looked on, causing his eyes to widen a fraction behind his orange-tinted glasses. The priest vampire ran his fingers down the woman's body, caressing her breasts, grabbing at her nether regions. It was rape, plain and simple.

Alucard faltered a moment, reminded of his own tortured past.

_Fingers grasped tightly at the hair on his crown, dragging him to a bed. Those same fingers ripped at his clothing, forcing his face down on the cot. Something entered him from behind afterwards, threatening to tear him apart..._

Snapping out of his thoughts, Alucard moved into action, his bloodlust stronger than ever. He made quick work of the host vampire and the ghouls. He took the Police Girl into custody, changing her into a child of the night per her consent.

"Yes, Police Girl," he bellowed loudly, sitting upright in his chair, speaking to the empty room. "Seras...Seras Victoria. You are truly deserving of unlife... of immortality."

It wasn't only Seras' immanent rape that urged Alucard to offer her eternity, but rather it was the first domino in the row. He had a feeling there was something different about this women. Her eyes, even while held hostage by the priest, were not the eyes of a defeated animal going to slaughter. She still held determination, a will to fight and to live.

"The will to live...an excellent quality to posses..." he trailed off, wrinkles forming around his eyes. In that moment he appeared weathered, almost human.

Closing deep red eyes, Alucard began to remember fragments of his long existence. His earliest memory was in shambles, so repairs were in the works. Putting the puzzle back together, Alucard poured over the thought.

During that time so long ago his name had been Vlad. He and his brother Radu had been given away by their father to the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire as tribute. The two brothers clung to one another as they were pasted from their family's care into the arms of strangers. At one point during their transportation, the pair of siblings had been separated. Radu cried out, reaching for his older brother's hand, but to no avail.

At some point, Alucard remembered he had been dragged by the hair down a long corridor. The man holding him was large and fat, donning clothing unfamiliar to the youth. Pausing at the end of the hallway, the man opened a door, flinging the boy onto a cot within, slamming the door behind them.

Vlad was rattled by the action, which caused the cross around his neck to fall off. Shakily he reached for it, clasping it between his small fingers before he was pulled from the bed. The large man forced him to his knees, faced pushed against the bed.

Vlad was stripped, his clothing having been ripped from his small form. He knelt compliantly, grasping his cross necklace as if it were his lifeline.

'Turn, boy,' said the man, his tone leaving no room for interjection.

Eyes narrowed as Vlad felt a shiver run though his body. He stifled the urge to cover himself as he turned on both knees, hands clasped around his back. The youth averted his eyes when he saw that the man had dropped his pants, grinning with a perverse laugh.

Deep chuckles could be heard with the shuffle of feet, forcing Vlad to look up at his captor.

'Open your mouth,' he said.

_No..._ _I don't want to...no... _Vlad complied, parting his lips. His mouth was stretched open as sweaty flesh entered, tongue burning with a sour taste. His throat closed as he gagged on the mass, saliva collecting on the sides of his mouth.

'Gagging already? Heh...Don't worry. You'll learn...' The voice was coated with honey, but it hardly masked the true nature of those words.

_No, I won't do this. I won't! _Fingers cradled the cross gently as Vlad muttered a mental prayer. Once finished he opened his jaw as wide as it would go, clamping down on the object as hard as possible after.

The events to follow were pure hysteria. Vlad eventually found himself face down on the bed, enduring physical punishment. His skin burned from the lashes as he strove to remain still, waiting out the pain.

'You will learn to obey me!'

Vlad cried, quieting any sniffles that collected in the back of his throat. _God...oh please God. Please..._

The punishment ended as his grip loosened on the cross. He thanked the Lord, believing that he was safe for now. But such bliss was short-lived as the unbearable urge to vomit rose within him, meeting at the lips. Vlad's body froze, his spine protesting against the mass pressing against his insides. The twinge was similar to a snake bite, he recalled.

His body ached all over, protesting against every sensation flooding his veins.

_God no...no please. Don't let this happen to me. Why me? Why?_

But wait...there was still God. God was there, hearing his silent screams.

_God..._thought Vlad, clutching the cross in both hands. _God please...grant me one wish..._

A low growl filled Alucard's dungeon as he lashed out, sending the wine cart to the floor. He snarled much like a wolf, striking his fists into the air.

Why did he have to remember...to reflect? It was something that was meant to be covered in dust, something to be forgotten and never remembered. _God..._he thought. _God never did anything for me. He never listened._

Looking to the floor, Alucard's animalistic gaze focused on the blood that had been spilt. That rich delicious liquid was his very existence and his undoing. _But..._he stood from his seat, walking over to the shattered glasses, swirling one index finger around in the mixture puddle on the floor. The blood absorbed into his body, leaving his glove pristine again. _But God punished me. I am here... and I always will be. I will never...see Jerusalem. _

Mixed thoughts forced Alucard away from the mess he had made, making his way back to his throne. He laughed lowly as he sat at his chair. _A mock throne for a No-Life King._

But wait. Was it really God who had done this to him? Was it God who had given Seras Victoria her new unlife?

No.

It was Alucard, it was he. Alucard had lived for centuries. Eternity had been bestowed upon him not by any maker or higher power, but because of his own perseverance. It was his will to live that had resulted in this situation.

Even then, when in the hands of the sultan, he had endured. The young Vlad had been forced to forsake his body in means of submission. He had willingly relinquished his physical form, but not his mind or soul.

To this day, in bondage and chains to the Hellsing family, Alucard still possessed his own mind. Even in this lifeless body, he held tightly to who he was; no one could take than from him: not the Sultan, not Abraham, not God...no one at all.

Eyes fixed upon his dominant hand, deciphering the symbols on his gloves; the sigil that bound him to Sir Integra, his Master.

Alucard grinned, chuckling. The grin advanced to a smirk and his laughing increased in volume. Before long, the vampire erupted with a supernatural laughter that reverberated off the dungeon walls as he rose to his feet.

"God!" he screamed, remembering the wish he had made to Him all those centuries ago. "You can keep Jerusalem. I have no need for childish wishes any longer." He sat after the room fell silent, the smirk still etched into his devilish features.

Alucard felt he had cleansed his mind with this exercise. His human existence had not been futile, but rather a means to justify the current. Vlad had strove to survive, to be strong, and to never give up. Through his human life, he dreamt of being strong, so strong that no one would oppose him. By existing in this lifeless shell, by enduring the long nights, by consuming blood, by serving his Master he was truly fulfilling his destiny.

Vlad had attained something he never could in life: the power he had craved so long. Until now, Alucard had yet to realize this fact, and relaxed into the chair. Wrinkles began to form on his face again as he smiled genuinely, slipping into a light slumber.


End file.
